Sara Beattie, Positive Psychology Practitioner & Menopause Coach
Midlife can be challenging for many women physically and emotionally. For those of us in what’s often termed the ‘sandwich generation’, the pressure is on as we navigate peri-menopause and menopause, while juggling a career and potentially caring for children, as well as older parents. Therefore, there’s little time to carve out space for ourselves.
When it comes to menopause, a lot of the focus is on HRT or alternatives that can alleviate the physical symptoms. But medication is not a magic wand for everything else that might be going on. It cannot repair the cracks in a relationship or silence the second guessing of your decisions. It doesn’t automatically lift the anxiety or change how you feel about a body that suddenly feels different. What’s more, HRT doesn’t work the same way for everyone. In short, medication can help tremendously, but it is not the full story.
Even when the hot flushes ease, many women say menopause stirs up far bigger questions. Part of that is hormonal, because estrogen doesn’t just affect our bodies, it also helps keep emotions in check. Some experts say it even acts like a mask, smoothing the edges so we can carry on.
When estrogen drops, that mask lifts. Things we have pushed aside are suddenly harder to ignore. Menopause doesn’t create these problems – it simply takes away the filters so we start seeing things more clearly. The brain gets a moment to recalibrate alongside the body, and that’s often when big, life-shaping questions start to surface. That can manifest in a desire to reconnect with the joys we once had. A curiosity about how the next decades might look. A growing refusal to tolerate what no longer feels right. Caring less about what others think and a dawning sense that we are in control of this next chapter.
Personally, I remember not being able to recognise myself in the mirror one day. I wasn’t sure who I was looking at or how I fit in the world around me. I began to realise that alongside the sleepless nights and hot flushes was a much bigger shift. It was a quiet sense that the version of me who had spent decades holding everything together at work, at home, for everyone else, was packing up and leaving.
Reclaiming space often starts small. For example, saying no when you mean no. Blocking out time for yourself like you would any other commitment. It also means learning what is happening to your body and understanding your normal. Once you understand that, you can speak up sooner, make confident choices, and stop feeling like you have to handle everything alone.
Talking also helps, especially with your partner. Menopause is a perfect moment to name what you need, discuss what is changing, and what’s next for you both. And once the noise quietens, it can be the perfect time to ask what really matters now.
Start by noticing three moments of joy each day. Some days it might be something big, like a celebration. Other days it might be as small as a good cup of coffee after a tough conversation. Talk – whether it’s to friends, family, a coach or a medical professional. Add in a little movement you actually enjoy, time outdoors, and a moment to think about the future.
Ask yourself:
- What made me smile today, big or small?
- How do I want the next chapter of my life to feel?
- What first step could I take towards that?
- What gives me energy, and what drains me?
- Which values matter most to me right now?
- If I slowed down, what new thing would I love to try?
Midlife can feel like it strips everything back – energy, roles, even confidence. But that clearing can also make space for something new. The children grow, careers shift, and the body slows you down just enough to make you look around. And in that pause, there is the chance to ask “what do I want the next decades to look like?”
For many women this becomes a turning point rather than an ending. Old rules start to fall away. We care less about what others think, are less willing to put up with what no longer fits. There is a new honesty about what matters and what doesn’t. Some women rediscover long-forgotten joys, others try things they never had time for before.
It is a moment to reset, to live more by choice than by habit. A time to claim space for yourself, to look forward again, and build a life that feels like it truly belongs to you.
